an alternative to ennui
Falling in love with the idea of love
The girl who said yes the first time
Always said no the second time
Until she fell in love.
She judged her friends for succumbing to their passions
Only to fall for such wiles all the same
Because she was in love.
You speak to me in words
But I look at you with feeling.
Yet the words are empty,
Devoid of meaning,
And I find myself sedated with the deceitful promises
The sweet nothings,
Until I am consumed to completion.
Oblivion never looked so sad.
October 20, 2015 – He said, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
I want to love somebody who loves others, not someone who only loves themselves.
I’m scared of being alone. That’s what makes me cry. Not hurting him, but being alone. And the fear. He’s selfish, inconsiderate, unreliable, forgetful, and incapable of the easiest of tasks. Told to fuck off by his hands – pushing me away. But pulling me closer; caressing my head, kissing my neck… My mind a blur. I can’t deal with his schizophrenic ‘love’. That is, if we can even call it Love.
I think I want to go…
It just doesn’t feel real when he’s not here.
I want someone to make a movie of our life starting with the man who said “forever”.
“It’s perfect,” he said, about my ring.
“It’s never been perfect,” I thought
– about our relationship.
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